it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
