she woke up with a sticky ear
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
