i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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