Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
