I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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