You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
