I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
whose ass print is on the piano?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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