I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
