I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
