fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
