im drinking this country out of the recession.
We named our party play list daddy issues
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
