On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
