I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
