i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
