life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
