Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
