help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
