I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
