Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can't put those talents on a resume
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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