FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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