Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
