i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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