he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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