Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
