She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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