Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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