I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize