Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
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she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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