Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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