I wanna passion pit in your ass
farters have to be the big spoon...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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