Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
