I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
