is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
