Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
