i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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