You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
