i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize