We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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