My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I checked into jail on foursquare
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
