i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
