he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's the barista slut.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
whose ass print is on the piano?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
