Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
