weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
