I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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