i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
