a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
