Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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