We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
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I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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