Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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