He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
