I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
