Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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