I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
