Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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