he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My breasts were aching with rage.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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