MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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