Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
