I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
