I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
