Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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