Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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