smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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