I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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