i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
