fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
